General Discussion

Community Manager Laura Genender takes a look at the concept of online friends and looks at a forum post that brings to question the concept of friendships in MMOs, and what communities best foster these long-lasting relationships.

Our mothers never got it, did they? I can’t count how many times I had a parent or a sibling ask me, “Why don’t you get off the computer and spend some time with your friends?” Because, Mom, my friends are in my computer.

The gamer generation is experiencing a phenomenon of technology: the long distance community. Pen pals only took you so far, pre-internet, but now-a-days we have entire cliques at the tip of our fingertips, with instant communication and even virtual spaces where we can hang out. Forget Vegas – even marriages are formed and destroyed online!

But how easy is it to make friends in an MMO? This week on the forums, user natuxatu brings to question the concept of friendships in MMOs, and what communities best foster these long-lasting relationships.

Read the whole article here.

I've been very fortunate over the years while playing MMO's that I have made some good friends who I still hang out with online, from my days in EQ1 in 1999 til the present day playing WoW.

The community I have been part of has moved from game to game and basically kept the same core members in each game and because of this we have built some very strong ties with each other, infact each year since 2001 we have met up in RL and spent a long weekend recounting our gaming exploits and talking about our RL aswell, this year it's my turn to host our get together in Great Britain, last year it was in Sweden.

I have found that the friendships I have made online have been stronger than the ones I have made in RL, the fact that I have something in common with these ppl is the glue that keeps us together and keeps us coming back each day to either chat or play whatever game we may be involved in at that time.

I hope that I will still remain friends with my online community for many years to come.

The matron of honor at my wedding is a woman I've never met in real life, yet I've been great friends with her online for 12 years. Several of our guests as well I've either only met once, or never at all. A lot of people think it's weird or don't understand, but for me, the people I talk with online are just as real and just as important as my RL friends.

[There are advantages to meeting friends in-game, though. For one thing, you know you have a shared interest – if you meet a buddy in your Alegbra class, or at a bar, all you know you have in common is that you need a math credit or you like beer. If you meet a friend in City of Heroes you know you’ll have plenty to talk about, from Blaster builds to Ghost Widow’s awesome costume.]

I am sorry, but I take issue with this statement. 

I agree that gaming friends have much in common in the way of their online interests, but there is more to life than gaming.  The friend in the Algebra class could turn into a study partner and later a true friend you can talk to and have lunch/dinner with.  Your bar buddy could be someone you go out and party with.

I gamed hardcore from 1999-2004.  I made some very good friends, business associates, and even became semi-popular as a online celebrity for a while (www.uopowergamers.com).  I met some really nice people and maintain contact with a few of them.  The real friends though are the ones I can actually see sitting across from me.  The ones that have a shoulder for me to cry on or vice versa.  The people I can share physical contact with are the ones that I feel stronger feelings for than the ones online.  Sorry, but that's the truth of things.  Human beings are social creatures.  They desire social contact.  Online experiences are not a fullfillment of that need.  I had my best times playing Magic with people I can see than in any form of online gaming I ever was involved with.  I see online gaming now as an escape where I can go kill a few goblins then shut it off and go into the real world to enjoy time with my Karate students, playing a card game with my kids (Magic FTW!), etc.

Your mother/friends/siblings are right.  You need to get out and play in the real world.  Real friendships are made here in the real world.  Sometimes we get lucky and can meet some pretty decent folks online and maintain decent relationships.  But when you need a hug or someone to hang out with, the real world is where it's at.

Hasta.

The author grouped what the whole community looks for in friends with "We." I certainly don't choose friends on whether or not they benefit me or not. I choose friends based on their maturity, common interests, and like-mindedness. It really has nothing to do with competition for gear for me. I think the author, like many authors on this website, reference the WoW community as an example too much and groups the rest of us in that same category. I would just like some credit when it is due to the good people of the human race, instead of being grouped with the low lifes who think only of themselves (greed).

One of the most valuable (and true) lessons taught to me by my mother was that in life the number of "real" friends (people who would lend you money, or even die for you) will be less than the fingers on one hand, and you'll have fingers left over.  Everyone else is either family or an acquaintance.

I put all online friends in the acquaintance category.  (friends of convenience, as long as our common interests hold true)

I have found so many good friends online and alot of bad friends too but most of the good firends i have known for 4+ years and we still kicking today.

I find having little to no friends to be just fine for me. I learned long ago: trust noone, yourself least of all.

I've been online for a long, long time and I haven't made a single friend online. I have plenty of friends in real life, but the people I meet online all bleed into a single anonymous voice so to speak. You just can't have the same level of communication through text or voice chat that you can get from actual face time.

I guess that's why I don't chat with people online. All the contacts in my IM are people I know in real life and anyone else that messages me gets ignored. Even among the people on my contacts list, I rarely chat with them online. Online chat is reserved for friends that are too far away to talk too for free, even on my cell phone.

As for games, it may just be the kinds of games that I play and how I play them. I generally play FPS and RTS games exclusively. I'm not a very chatty player. Sure, I'll talk to my opponents in WH40K: Dawn of War, but I generally remain stone silent in most FPS games. I've never joined a clan or a guild.

I have done pick up groups in MMORPGs, and I admit that it's way more fun than soloing, but communication is usually limited to whatever goal the group is working toward. I don't inquire into the lives of other players and I let people know right from the start that I'm not going to give any information about myself (aside from age and gender) to them. It's nothing personal, I just don't feel that talking to someone over the internet, regardless of how often, means that I "know" that person or vice versa.

I realize that not everyone feels the same as I do and have made friends over the interweb. I'm happy for you and relieved that you weren't bludgeoned to death with a claw hammer when you met your online "friend" in RL. To each their own.....